Charlie and Susie
were still holding hands when the theater lights came up.
“That sure was a
creepy movie,” said Charlie. “I hope it wasn’t too gory for you.”
“Nah, it was
pretty fake.” Susie stood up to put on her coat.
“Do you think a
zombie apocalypse could ever really happen?” Charlie stretched his arms and
stood up, too.
Susie shrugged. “I
don’t know. One can hope.”
“Yeah—wait, what?” he asked.
She wrapped her
scarf around her neck. “Well, I don’t think it’s likely, but the world sure would
be lucky to have a zombie outbreak.”
Charlie scratched
his head. “How would that be lucky?”
“How wouldn’t it?”
she said. “Zombies don’t fight with each other. They don’t need any health
insurance or medical attention because nothing kills them—unless a stupid human shoots
them in the head. They aren’t judgmental. They don’t get bored. They don’t even
need to eat, but they sure get a kick out of some fresh brains every now and
then.”
“Hmm,” Charlie
put on his own coat. “I guess I never thought about it like that.”
Susie picked up
her purse and started to walk toward the aisle. “Honestly, have you ever seen a
zombie that didn’t look like he was happy to be a zombie? It’s the humans who are
always unhappy. They scream and fight with each other, and they’re the ones
creating more pollution and poverty. People always calm down and become content
once they’re infected. Wanna get some pizza?”
Charlie thought
about her words as they left the theater. He thought about them as they ate
their pizza, he thought about them as he tried to fall asleep that night and he
thought about them as he sat at his office desk the next day. Over time, he began
to envy zombies. He envied them so much that he tried to become infected by a
monkey the next time he visited a zoo. He went straight to the monkey house and
stuck his finger through a cage until a curious little primate scurried over
and bit off the tip.
Charlie didn’t
become a zombie, but he did win a nice settlement from the zoo.
He also got
rabies.
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