It's Not You, It's Me

     “I don’t understand, Judy. Why do you want to break up?” Todd reached across the table to hold her hand. He struggled to maintain composure in the busy coffee shop.

     “We want different things, Todd. Surely you’ve noticed.” Judy let him squeeze her hand, though she did not squeeze back.

     Todd looked at her with big, tearful eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

     “Well,” Judy said, “for one thing, I want to get married someday. You don’t.”

     “Is that really a dealbreaker?” He asked, a hint of desperation in his tone.

     “That’s not all, Todd. My family is very Catholic, and they don’t approve of your beliefs. They think you’re part of a cult.”

     Todd shook his head. “No, no… the followers of Zantar the Great are not a cult. It will all make sense when he returns to this planet to turn the faithful into pure energy. Just give it time.”

     Judy smiled, but her eyes were unyielding. “I also want to have children, Todd, and you were castrated.”

     Todd squeezed her hand harder. “But Judy, just how important are children? After all, we have the squirrels.”

     “Actually Todd,” she said, “I know you love the squirrels, but they’re a bit much. I mean, you have over thirty of them roaming free in your apartment. I’m pretty sure three or four are rabid.”

     “That can’t be all, Judy. There must be something on your mind you’re not telling me.”

     Judy sighed. “I don’t know what else to say, Todd. It also annoys me that you wear plaid shirts with striped ties, that you sleepwalk into the kitchen and bring sharp knives back to the bed, that you sweat blood.”

     “What’s really bothering you, Judy?”

     She pulled her hand back and stood up. “It’s over, Todd. Just accept it.”

     She walked away from him and left the coffee shop without looking back.

     Todd stayed at the table for a long time, hurt and confused. “I shouldn’t have bought that plaid shirt,” he said to himself. Then he made a mental note never to wear it again.